l'aventure commence

One Man’s Dream

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child and the smiling faces. Smell the rain and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
- Ashley Smith

I haven’t been myself. Gradual changes in attitude have left me wondering where my head is at. I don’t believe I am changing as a person, but rather realizing a new mentality. It’s refreshing. Am I growing up?

Nahh… Who am I kidding? My heart is young. Its aging stops here.

So what is going on with me? By no means do I intend to vent about anything this time. I simply sit here in this dark hallway in front of a too bright screen, slightly uncomfortable with the temperature, typing only a few words per minute. I am really struggling to phrase these thoughts. They are busy. They are confusing as hell, these thoughts, but they are beautiful.
I can be a sensitive person. Whether or not I show it is a different matter. Notwithstanding my being, I can’t determine why I have been more susceptible to being emotionally distraught as I have been these past few weeks. Again, I do not wish to express dismay. I am content, really, I am. To be vulnerable is admirable, I say. I am just confused.
Hesitant, I am. Afraid, I am. Anxious, I certainly am.

Today was beautiful. I will not share the first half of my day. Not yet.
So I’ll start here. After work:

I received a text from my band mate that Yanni (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yanni) was to perform at the Bob Carr Performing Arts Centre tonight. He would not be going, just informing me. I misread it the first time. I thought he wrote Yann Tiersen. As much as I loved experiencing Yann Tiersen’s music live, I did so merely a month ago. I would rather not spend money to see him again so soon. It was then that I realized he didn’t write Yann Tiersen. He wrote Yanni.
Ahem…
“I’d give an arm and a leg to see him in concert,” I’ve said.
When I first heard his music some years ago, I promised myself I would hear it live. Someday. I added it to my bucket list. Someday. I’ve shared his compositions with others. Someday. Someday, I would feel it live. Feel it live, I would. Someday.
And folks, someday was today.
I almost didn’t go. Leaving work was quite the drag. I could only think of being home with nothing to do, missing Yanni’s performance. As soon as I got home, I told the mother the exciting news that she didn’t find so exciting. By that point, I had made two phone calls to see if I would have reason to go and spend money I shouldn’t spend so spontaneously. Neither could make it. I asked my mum if she wanted to go, but she was feeling tired. Darn, I thought. I can’t see him. And then it hit me. I do everything alone. What makes this different? I swore to myself that I would see Yanni in person at some point in my life. Why the hell would I waste this rare opportunity when it’s in my lap? I couldn’t believe it took me a couple of hours to put two and two together. No commitments for the evening. Yanni is here. Duh, Nisalda. 
I got showered and ready so fast. After all, I only had an hour and a half before the show was to start. For a moment, I considered purchasing my ticket online to expedite the process of getting in. Then I remembered what I think is called student rush, where one can go to will call at the last minute, present a student i.d. and get a decent seat at a discounted price. I decided I would go for that instead. I grabbed my digital camera, my bag and my phone. I was going to see Yanni.
Expecting the worst traffic was a brilliant idea. There was none! I-4 was clear. Time was on my side. I drove around a bit before finding parking for the theater. Parking was ten dollars in the old Amway Arena parking lot. Not bad. I chose a spot I knew I would remember and began walking. Looking at the old arena touched one of my sensitive nerves. For some reason, I had to take a picture of it. But not with my digital camera. I wanted to use my disposable camera. This would require a walk back to my car to get it. I was already tight on time. No matter. I turned around, got the shot, went back to my car to leave the disposable camera and started toward the theater again. Timing. Timing. Every second made the difference.
This is why:
I approached will-call with nothing but doubt. I was ready to have to pay regular price, or worse, be turned away. No matter. I had to see Yanni.
Then it happened, so synchronized. As I walked up the ramp, an older gentlemen walked out of the theater. He first approached the two ladies in front of me. They politely turned him away. “We already bought ours.” He continued on to me. He held up a ticket. He offered it to me. I was very wary. I politely declined and said I would buy my own. He insisted. I asked why. Then the two ladies interrupted. “Take it! The show is starting.” He didn’t speak again. He left the ticket in my hand and ran back inside. The ladies encouraged me to hurry in and forget spending money. “Is this legit?” was all I could say. “It’s legit,” one of them replied. With nothing more than a shrug, I left the line and walked in waiting to be told I was scammed. “Enjoy!” She yelled behind me. Three ushers stopped me to check my ticket. They only directed me toward my seat. This was real! I was holding a ticket to see Yanni without having paid for it. No way…
Way? Shit….
Next thing I knew, I was making my way down the hall to the Orchestra seating. I opened a single door to reveal what I always swore I would experience. It was real. It was Yanni, on stage, with his orchestra. I found my row, my seat, my heart pounding. There in the seat next to mine was the gentleman. I shook his hand and thanked him. The show started. I was seeing Yanni.
The next couple of hours brought me joy, laughter and a lot of tears. It was absolutely, indescribably amazing. This concert changed my life. It reignited the flame in me that has been fading. I can’t quite describe it.
After the performance, I made the drive home in complete silence. The sound of violins resonated in my head. The wind was perfect. The moment was divine. I didn’t make it all the way home before the mother sent me a message asking for cough drops. That lead to a pit stop at Walmart where I would inevitably buy more than I intended to. I ended up with a collection of Alfred Hitchcock dvds and Gushers.
Once home, I took a walk while eating a packet of the fruit Gushers I’d just bought. I stopped a few houses away from mine to stare at the moon. It hung so low and large. Breathtaking. I cried some more. I thought of chance. I thought of time. It’s here. It’s now.
Hesistant, I may be. Afraid, I may be. Anxious, I certainly seem to be.

But…

Ready, I am.